and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will pee on everything he values.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
