I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
