Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
