I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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