fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Those nachos came to me in a dream
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
