He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
