my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Someone came in the potted fern
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
