singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
