So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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