i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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