? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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