Soap is not a condiment
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can I color on your dick again?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
