the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
