Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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