it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
