Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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