We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
