My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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