i think my mom watched the whole time
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
