I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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