My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
