I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
