I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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