Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
