are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
