sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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