just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
