i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
