she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
