hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
