Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
