I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
