I need to stop coming to work sober
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
