I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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