someone get that fucking seahorse.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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