It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
