u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
