are you so shy because you have an std?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
