This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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