Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
where are you?
Hypothermia
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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