There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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