New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
