I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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