I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
