yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
