Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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