If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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