oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
