Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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