Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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