I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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