my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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